"Deadline" movie review

Everyone who had a role in this movie was obviously instructed to do everything in 1/2 time. Walking, talking, moving, breathing... The director, producers, and anyone involved in the making of this film need to back AWAY from the Shamalayan project reject pile. The movie had potential. That potential died about 45 seconds in. I appreciate a slow, artsy thriller. This? This was a waste of film, time, and money. And collagen (good grief, at the height at which Britney Murphy's lips are swollen! She went straight from the doctor to the set!). Murphy picked a stinker this time. She played her character well--the nutjob stressed out by a domestic violence incident, deadlines, and hiding her lesbian tendencies, but that was about the only decent thing about this movie. SPOILER ALERT! (not that it matters!) I love movies with a good twist. Those of you who swear there's a twist, you people got it all wrong. there IS no twist. Perhaps there MIGHT be, but it's a lack of good screenwriting that destroys the twist before it has time to even curve.

Obviously, ALice is nuts. She's concocted this entire story--which is obvious when the other girl reads the script at the end. It's a word for word play of what has 'happened' to Alice--all in her head. Then, at the very end, with parts lost somewhere in another plothole, you see that Alice has been obsessing over the ambiguous lesbian friend--filming her while she sleeps and saying creepy things.

The director wants you to THINK it's a supernatural thriller, that there are ghosts, etc, but it's just a movie about a schizoid chick. It's completely botched by the lack of a good writer/s. This could have been pulled off, ala Secret Window, but...as I said, BAD WRITING. It's not the ending that's slapped on or badly written, it's the bulk of the story that isn't fleshed out. They focused on cinematography and atmosphere, rather than in storytelling.

Could have been a good movie. Even for a Murphy flick! (dear Lord, we haven't forgotten the abomination that is "Ramen Girl", have we?)

Movie Review: The Attic

Welll......

I did it again. I picked a real winner. I'm a sucker for haunted house stories, so I figured I could find SOMETHING to like about this one.

Nope.

Here's the main gist of the movie.

"Dad, I see someone who looks just like me. Do I have a twin?"

"No, you don't have a twin, daughter."

"Boyfriend-who- is- conveniently- a- cop- and- plays- one- on- TV- too, find out if I have a twin sister."

"Yes, hatchet-faced-anorexic-who-I will-definitely-regret-kissing-later, you have a twin sister who died at birth because she was deformed and your dad let her die, and guess what she's haunting you and I've brought back an expert who can interpret these 'wicca' symbols that have no other name than 'wicca symbols' because this movie wasn't researched thoroughly and we're desperate for any sort of scene were I can lower my head and look at you through lowered eyelashes because I really want to be a soap opera star."

So. That's the movie in a nutshell. One second the broad is nutso and talking like a demented 5 year old, and the next she's an eloquent sexhound who refuses to eat for no apparent reason.

I don't get it. None of it. There are undertones of sexual molestation by her father. Well its pretty much implied that some nasty abuse went on. I don't get the fact that she's 25 and still living at home with mommy and daddy and retarded brother and freaking out about....well, a long lost twin that feels way too much like a tacked on plot device. Super-tacked on, like they made the movie, realized it was crapola, and shot a few scenes with airy whispers and vintage dresses and the female lead in black eyeliner. There's little to no explanations--adequate or otherwise-- for anything. Of course there's this whole "which one is really the evil twin" thing going on, and is the boyfriend real or not. The perfectly coiffed hair says no.

I guess my biggest problem is there is no descent. She's normal one minute, then next off her rocker. Emma just doesn't develop. She's crazy all of a sudden. Must be those 'wicca symbols'.

Over all, it's supposed to be about a girl who is screwed up mentally who believes her fantasies are real. Multiple personality disorders, and a serving of 'asian ghost curse'.

And she's ugly.

Toaster Slap! A movie review of "Inside"

Yikes.

Not sure if French horror is getting better...or worse. Or, EVEN worse-- not sure if it's even changing at all!

I watched "Inside" tonight. "Inside" is the story of a horse-faced french chick (lordie she's ugly! LOL) who's husband is killed in a car wreck that she's terribly injured in as well. She's immensely pregnant at the time of the wreck. I mean, she looks full term. But they flash foward four months, and she's still even more immensely pregnant. I guess the director never saw a pregnant woman before and imagined that at six months, slender-built pregnant women look like they are over term with quadruplets. At 'nine months' the chick is all...lumpy-pregnant. Her name is Sarah.

Anyway, Sarah is a day away from having her baby. She goes home from a doc's appointment and is terrorized by a tall, skinny Angelina-Jolie-with-over-collagenized-lookalike. The police come, find nobody, go away, and the girl wakes up in bed with a pair of scissors sticking out of her belly. Nice, huh?

From there, the story stops. She gets into the bathroom, and the bad girl and the ugly girl sit on opposites sides of the bathroom door and breathe at each other for a while. The obligatory late night guests show up, die horribly via knitting needles, long shiny shears, falls down stairs, and smothering (only two guests, believe it or not). The police come to check on the ugly girl, and die overly dramatic deaths. The cat dies an overly dramatic death.

The bathroom door dies an overly dramatic death.

Things this movie has:

1. Foot long shiny scissors that honestly serve no purpose in a modern household.
2. convenient items to make weapons with, with placement that makes NO sense whatsoever.
3. dumb cops.
4. obligatory visitors.
5. lots of stabbings in the eyes.
6. everybody character walks away with a slashed/stabbed jugular! Nobody's a loser on "Inside"!
7. Toaster slaps. (the best scene. Ugly girl gets whapped upside the head with a toaster.)
8. lots and lots and lots of geyser-like jugular slashings.
9. Enough blood to float a small boat. Luckily it's all contained to the hallway and the bathroom.
10. computer generated fetuses
11. and best yet, homemade spears


I didn't get how this ugly girl--who is a sturdy looking woman--can't get the upperhand on this tall, skinny, droopy-lipped chick. She had a million chances to beat her. I don't get why she didn't verbally warn her guests and the cops. I don't understand why this ugly chick didn't have a SINGLE likeable quality. She was depressed, mean, ugly, and a coward.

It was sort of cool when she gave herself a tracheotomy with a knitting needle. Then duct-taped the squirting hole closed. That was fairly interesting. Another cool point was when she was groping around the hallways through a hole in the bathroom door and the bad girl stabbed her through the hand and pinned it to the wall. I thought the senseless pet murder was, well, pointless.

I didn't like the movie too much. The characters were unlikeable. Totally unlikeable. I didn't care of the ugly girl died or not. I didn't care of the barely-explained villain got what she wanted.

It was like the director tried too hard, but gave up suddenly.

I mean, the gore is sort of interesting. It's probably the only decent thing in the movie. Horrible to say, but there's not much else to this movie. It just doesn't tie together neatly. It's very loose and leaves way too much open. I love artsy horror flicks and watch my share of them. This one, though...falls short.