Booksigning results from last week

I had a booksigning in Clearwater last week. It was interesting...I sat next to Tiva Wallon and this other crazy lady. Not crazy like me and Tiva are, but crazy in a wierd, we-should-probably-move-down-some way. She wrote like education children's books about dogs and groundhogs and Olympic torches. She also has this fascination with the horrors of China and their influence on American consumerism and products. She lectured and lectured and lectured about anything made in China. Her dog died from Chinese dog food, so all Chinese people are bad, bad, bad. We laughed SO hard at her sometimes. She hated it when my stuff would touch hers. When I sat down and pulled out my books, I thought she was going to pass out. She told me my cover was distasteful and an insult to literature, and my promo stuff was too offensive for to sit next to. Said I should move. I told her, no, I arranged to sit with Tiva from the very beginning, and she could move. I respect my elders, but...she was too abrasive and that sort of made those defensive shields of mine spring up.

Anyway, her favorite thing to do was the leap up and grab whatever Asian person came through the doors and lecture them on the evils of Chinese dog food. She did it to about seven people. DIdn't sell them any chinese dog food doggie-victim books, either.

Me and Tiva had a good time, cracking up and gabbing and making fun of random people. We did better than average on sales (we both know what that means LOL).

Which leads me to something else.

Kids are attracted to my book. The cover is like a magnet for the 13-15 set for some reason. I can't explain it. Up until now, my social responsibility alarm would go off when a kid wanted the book, and I'd tell them their mom/dad had to come look at it first. Then I realized, I'm NOT that kid's mama or daddy. If they want to let their kid wander around a packed B&N all alone, that's their problem. I'm not going to be their censor. Now, if the kid is obviously much younger than 13 or whatever, I won't let them buy the book. But if kid is willing to shell out $13.00 for a 200 page book, I'm going to let them. Let them get in trouble for buying it (if they have the sort of parent who cares--but honestly, if they were watchign what was happening in the first place, they wouldn't have let the kid pick up the book).

There is no erotic content in my books (except for one LOL) and the violence is akin to what you would see in a modern horror movie. I guess becuase it's described in words rather than pictures, it's slighlty different case, but over all...I'm not going to play censor. Mamas and Daddies, pay attention to your kids. I don't want dirty emails from you.

So I let teens by my book. Feels like a confession! I used to care about that stuff. Now...it's like...this kid isn't my responsibility. If a parent asks me if the book is decent--which happily, many do--I'll tell them, YOU decide. I'll show them the worse spots in the book and they can skim and figure it out themselves. Everybody has a different level of good and bad and even badder. Most parents buy the book and read it themselves. A few times, they put the book back and said, "Maybe in a couple years."

Which I agree with, and I'll tell them so. I wrote SWamp Baby for adults.



** Wierd fact about me. I never was allowed to watch rated R movies until I was 18 (and out of my parents' house). I never broke that rule either. So I never saw a real horror movie (i.e. not edited for content on TV) until I was 18, and that one was Blair Witch Project. I read horror though, from the time I was about 10 or 13 or so. I don't remember my exact age, but the book was Dean Koontz' The Funhouse and to this day, that is still one of my favorite books, and Koontz is my all time favorite author.

I win

The prize for stupidity. Now, on a grand scale of things, it's pretty low, but I've had myself worked up in a tizzy about it.

I use Netflix. I don't rent movies from a brick-and-mortar store very often. I used to work right next to a little independent place that supplied my demanding diet of gruesome indie and asian horror flicks, but when I left that job, I left that store behind. Sort of sad. I was really good friends with the people who owned it. They forgave my multitudinous (I don't think that's a word...) late fees and always held new releases for me that they knew I would like.

Anyway, some of my students' parents gave me Blockbuster gift cards. I have an account with them, but 2 years ago I ran it up to like $50 overdue. There's a BB next to where I work, so I went and checked on my account, which was fine (yay) and rented 5 movies. I had seven, but then I realized that I had six horror movies and I thought maybe it might look a little disturbing so I put two back and got a movie for the kids LOL.

Anyway, I checked out and saw where one was due back on Sunday, the rest on Saturday. I was like...whoa. Really quick turnaround. So today I was like stressing about how to justify a trip way out int he boondocks to the BB next to where I work. Gas is expensive, and as a principle I refuse to go anywhere near where I work on weekends LOL.

So I was just about to give up and accept the late fees with grace, and I looked at the reciept again.

One movie IS due tomorrow. The others are due...


NEXT Saturday.

funny little things in kids' movies

We all know about Disney and their little 'hidden mickeys'. You have the naked woman in the one movie about the mice...The Adventurers I think it's called?. The penis on the priest in Little Mermaid. The mice saying dirty things in Cinderella, the word SEX in the seeds and pollen in Lion King...

I was watching Bee Movie with my kids. In the scene where Barry Benson is buzzing at the court and the bee lawyer is next to him, the bee lawyer clearly mouths "What the fuck?"

heehee. The naughty immature kid in me is cracking up.

(myspace blogs seem to be down. Sucko.)

I have issues....

I live in an apartment complex that is uber-strict about everything. I've had over a dozen eviction notices, from everything from making too much noise (which is reasonable) to 'littering' the top of my washer and dryer (that means I had ONE full bottle of detergent and one that still had enough for a load or two and a wad of dryer lint). Once I got one because at some point one of my kids put her hand on the wall and it left a mark like UNDER the banister downstairs and I'm 5'6, and just it was way below my line of sight.

Anyway, we had inspections today. I cleaned my apartment thoroughly and it's been a while. I'm a clutter bug and pack rat. If it's reusable in ANY way, I save it. Problem is, I run out of space to cram stuff, so baskets and cabinets and stuff overflow. I don't mind doing laundry, but I hate folding it, so it usually piles up on the couches (I have three of them crammed into a TINY 2 bedroom apartment). Well, last night I cleaned the apartment. I took out seven bags of stuff that I know I'll never use, even though it KILLEd me to throw out some of it because I just KNOW I can reuse it in someway LOL. I started going through the clothes--to just give you an idea of how long its been since I folded the piles of clothes in the bedroom, my seven year old has grown out of clothing I found LOL.

I cleaned off the counters of all the baskets and boxes and bowls and other things that its easy to toss stuff in. I emptied out cabinets that wouldn't shut. I even reorganized the pantry. My closet door will shut now. I tucked all thw wires to my computer set up back behind the desk and the table next to it.

I stacked up all my DVDs, books, CD's, and notes. I put all my art supplies in a basket.

I swept the carpets, then vacuumed them. I scrubbed the glass topped table top (a nightmare, really).

I scrubbed out the sink, the bathtubs (not a bad job, I do keep up with the basic housekeeping LOL), the toilets.

SO when I went to bed last night, I really didn't think about it. I got up, went to work, came home and nearly freaked out. My first thought was seriously, "Oh my gosh, somebody's been in my house."

Then I was like...ohhhhhhh. I did a really good job last night. LOL