Thursday, July 1, 2010

my favorite part of Eclipse

My favorite part of Eclipse: After the vampire battle, when the Volturi are coming through the woods, the TArdis lands right between the two groups of vampires, and Doctor Who comes out and reveals that they really aren't vampires, just a misunderstood alien race from another dimension, and then Amy Pond runs out of the Tardis and a newborn vampire bites her, and the Doctor had to find a way to cure her, but the only way to do that was for Edward to suck out the venom, but Edward was stuck in one of his awkward-pause speech loops and the Doctor realized that Edward is actually a robot, so the Doctor had to invent a machine that would do it. He saved Amy and offered to take the vampires back to their own planet, but they refused because they like ruling the world and enslaving humanity. The Cullens, being wimpy and all, decided they liked the idea, but when they tried to go inside the TARDIS, the Volturi shot lasers out of their eyes and blew them all up. They tried to shoot the Doctor and Amy, but he was able to reconfigure the sonic screwdriver to reflect back the eye-lasers and they blew themselves up.

oh...wait...that didn't really happen. I sort of blanked about about halfway through the movie and started making stuff up... LOL

Twilight: Eclipse, or why I nearly went insane last night

My sister in law took me as a present for my birthday, which was yesterday....despite the fact that I generally avoid anything and everything Twilight related. And I still stand by that...that Cullens looked more plastic than ever--seriously, if they can do natural-looking pale makeup in OLD movies (yes, that movie is old to me LOL) like INterview with the Vampire, then you'd think Hollywood could manage it in modern times. They also did it at the end of New Moon wehn we see Bella running after Edward in the woods, post-change, in Alice's vision (although that is a kick-buttingly-cool CG filter). The thick, grainy, nonconforming 'pale' pancake makeup and horrific brassy blonde dye jobs looked horrible and uncomfortable. They looked like zombies trying to cover up the decay with cosmetics. You could see the makeup caked up at their hairlines.

The 'seduction' scene was...creepy, and the characters all kissed like they were told to make fish-lips and pulse their faces together. And there was just way too much slooooooow, head-pulsing kissing. I'm sorry, I've never kissed anybody and moved my head back and forth that much, and if anybody ever tried to kiss me like that, I told them to stop.

The 'witty' dialogue was so not witty, and I come to realize that both Pattinson and Stewart possess the acting range of potatoes. They, much like Megan Fox, cycle through the same three angst-ridden facial expressions: "Angst" "A little more angsty" and "Oh God the Emo is Killing Me Angsty". Stewart has slack-jawed expression on her face that reminds me of someone who has stewed their minds on crack for way too long. I expected her to start drooling at any moment. And the sad thing is, she acts like that in real life, if her interviews on the various tv shows are any indictation. Gollee, girl, GET OFF THE CRACK. The bloodless shattering battle...yikes. I was extremely glad I loaded up on tequila before I went into the theater. LOL

BUt, all that being said, the production values in this chapter of the 'saga' were much better than the others, and the soundtrack is just as good as the previous two. And the girl that played Bree Tanner was so, so flippin' cute.

And I learned a valuable lesson. I hate teenage girls. I'm giving my girls away when they turn 13. LOL.