Friday, June 13, 2008

Movie Review: The Attic


I did it again. I picked a real winner. I'm a sucker for haunted house stories, so I figured I could find SOMETHING to like about this one.


Here's the main gist of the movie.

"Dad, I see someone who looks just like me. Do I have a twin?"

"No, you don't have a twin, daughter."

"Boyfriend-who- is- conveniently- a- cop- and- plays- one- on- TV- too, find out if I have a twin sister."

"Yes, hatchet-faced-anorexic-who-I will-definitely-regret-kissing-later, you have a twin sister who died at birth because she was deformed and your dad let her die, and guess what she's haunting you and I've brought back an expert who can interpret these 'wicca' symbols that have no other name than 'wicca symbols' because this movie wasn't researched thoroughly and we're desperate for any sort of scene were I can lower my head and look at you through lowered eyelashes because I really want to be a soap opera star."

So. That's the movie in a nutshell. One second the broad is nutso and talking like a demented 5 year old, and the next she's an eloquent sexhound who refuses to eat for no apparent reason.

I don't get it. None of it. There are undertones of sexual molestation by her father. Well its pretty much implied that some nasty abuse went on. I don't get the fact that she's 25 and still living at home with mommy and daddy and retarded brother and freaking out about....well, a long lost twin that feels way too much like a tacked on plot device. Super-tacked on, like they made the movie, realized it was crapola, and shot a few scenes with airy whispers and vintage dresses and the female lead in black eyeliner. There's little to no explanations--adequate or otherwise-- for anything. Of course there's this whole "which one is really the evil twin" thing going on, and is the boyfriend real or not. The perfectly coiffed hair says no.

I guess my biggest problem is there is no descent. She's normal one minute, then next off her rocker. Emma just doesn't develop. She's crazy all of a sudden. Must be those 'wicca symbols'.

Over all, it's supposed to be about a girl who is screwed up mentally who believes her fantasies are real. Multiple personality disorders, and a serving of 'asian ghost curse'.

And she's ugly.

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