Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Why I love Mrs. Giggles

Why I love Mrs. Giggles
She could tear me a new one, and then do vile things to the old one, and I'd still love this woman and her blog. I am proudly her fawning fan-girl.

Borrowed from Mrs.

I am not responsible for your drinking habits. You are a grown-up, you should watch out for your own alcohol intake. Also, there are some references that may be dated by the time you read this, so for the record, this particular rambling thing is put up on 17 May 2007.

**Ash's note-- this is old, obviously, but it fits every single dang blog drama!**

Cast of Characters
"Anonymous" - 1 sip per appearance.
Someone who posts her alleged full name and then berates everyone else for being a cowardly anonymous cur - 2 sips.
The "Why Can't We Get Along?" Pollyanna - 3 sips.
The angry woman who uses a cuss word at least five times in a six-word sentence - 2 sips.
Clueless man who wanders into the discussion and makes snide comments about fighting bitches - 1 sip.
Clueless man who wanders into the discussion and proceeds to launch into a completely unrelated diatribe about what trash romance novels are - 2 sips.
Clueless man who wanders into the discussion to tell everyone to read "real" literature... like Clive Cussler - 5 sips.
Clueless feminist who shows up and proceeds to launch into a completely unrelated diatribe about how romance set back the movement - 7 sips.
Jayne and Jane from Dear Author join the fray - 11 sips.
Karen Scott joins the fray - 11 sips.
Dionne Galace (Bam) joins the fray - 11 sips.
Emily Veinglory joins the fray - 11 sips.
Jane, Karen, Bam, and Emily Veinglory in the house - 50 sips.
Those ladies and Nora Roberts in the house - drink until everything turns dark.

The Plot
"You're jealous" - 2 sips.
"Your jealous" - 5 sips.
"You're not qualified to say anything unless you're a published author." - 3 sips.
An argument about how too much sex is spoiling the genre - 2 sips.
An argument about "porn" versus "erotic romance" and how so-and-so are writing "erotic romance" instead of porn - 3 sips.
Said argument comes from an author whose books you thought had too much sex and not enough romance - 4 sips.
The great Virgin Or Not debate - 2 sips.
The neverending Mean Book Reviewers debate - 3 sips.
Someone crying that making fun of book covers is a terrible thing to do because authors have no control over book covers and therefore... er, something, I suppose - 4 sips.
That person writes for or is a cheerleader for Changeling Press - 18 sips.
Someone moaning that we are hurting the author's feelings - 5 sips.
This same person proceeds to call everyone all kinds of bad things for being such a meanie (apparently your feelings don't count as much as the author's) - 7 sips.
Laura Kinsale/Mary Balogh fan whining that there is nothing as good to read as their beloved authors - 10 sips.
These same people inadvertently reveal that they rarely read anything else in the first place - 12 sips.
Readers moaning that the genre is too formulaic - 2 sips.
These same readers ripping apart a book that does not fit into their definition of "romance" - 1 mug.
Readers complaining that there are not enough overweight or homely heroines - 3 sips.
Readers shrieking in horror when they come across an overweight or homely hero in their romance novels - 2 mugs.
Readers acting as if a hero sporting a tattoo/facial hair/smoking habit has personally showed up to pull a Steve Morgan on their behinds - 5 sips.
Pollyanna shows up during a discussion to tell people they should all play nice - 7 sips.
Her post has at least seven ";)", "lol", "*ggg*", ":)", and other variations of such things in each paragraph - 8 sips.
She actually uses those annoying jumping round smilie things - 19 sips per smilie.
Someone shows up to deliver an epic rant as to why she has no opinion on the topic of discussion and therefore she does not want to say anything about it - 9 sips.
Someone flounces, saying that she's just said her last word and she's never coming back - 10 sips.
Two posts below, there's a post with similar wording echoing her opinions posted under "Anonymous" - 13 sips.
Conversation gets completely derailed as people start arguing over the definition of a word - 4 sips.
Someone mentions "Nazi", "Jew", "Holocaust", "Jesus", "Satan", and "God" - 3 sips.
Five different "Anonymous" arguing ferociously with one "Mrs Cherie Blossom who has the guts to sign her name instead of hiding behind an anonymous name" over the merits of anonymous posting, which has nothing to do with the initial topic - 7 sips.
You wonder why, if Cherie Blossom is so high and mighty about using her alleged real name, you have never come across her until the moment she shows up to take down Anonymous People everywhere in Blogsville - 16 sips.
Someone taking a post personally in a bizarre way and starts going all TMI to defend herself, for example taking offense at a harmless statement like "I hear in China they eat dogs" and start delivering long speeches about how she loves dogs and she is Chinese and therefore nobody has any right to make such ridiculous sweeping statements since she is an exception to the rule and therefore it invalidates the statement - 10 sips.
And she won't listen even if you have photographic evidence that they really do eat dogs in China - 12 sips.
When confronted with accusations of wrong-doings, the accused starts going TMI about the house that burned down, the crossdressing alcoholic pedophile husband who needs bail, the kids who are on drugs, the IRS that stole all their money, and more - 19 sips.
Or she can be less dramatic and says that she's had a heart attack or something which is why she couldn't get back to everyone - 25 sips.
Which culminates in a post by a "friend" telling everyone that the poor dear died in some kind of accident - 28 sips.
Discussion of a review of an African-American romance turns into a session of making fun of the cover because clearly nobody has read the book or intends to - 27 sips.

Celebrity Guest Appearances
Monica Jackson blogs about racism - 4 sips.
A chorus of "Oh no, you didn't!" responses from people who proceed to deliver epic rants on why they are not like what Monica Jackson talks about - 16 sips.
Roslyn Holcomb and Karen Scott get into an argument during that discussion - 15 sips.
Nora Roberts shows up in a discussion, makes a wonderfully sane statement, and everyone else falls onto the ground to worship her - 18 sips.
And then the discussion turns into how awesome her books are - 26 sips.
Someone then "jokes" about Nora Roberts using clones or something to write her ten books per year - 15 sips.
Wait. That is a joke, right? You wonder... - 11 sips.
Nora Roberts makes a response about wanting to take over the world - 10 sips.
And you wonder what is wrong with you because you don't really like her books as much as everyone else apparently does - 31 sips.

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